The story of AIDS orphans in a Township in South Africa

INTERVIEW 1


R = Researcher

P= Participant


This interview was conducted with a 16 year old boy who lives with two friends in a two bedroom flat at the back of a shop in New Brighton Township Port Elizabeth. On arriving at the home to conduct the interview, I was approached by two men from the Shabeen next door, who were drunk and asking if they could help me. The participant was waiting for me at the gate to his home and her intervened. On entering the home I noticed that the furniture was sparse. In the kitchen there was a table and two stool’s and two- ring hot plate. The participant showed me around the three rooms of the flat let. In his bedroom there was a bed and a cupboard where he kept his clothes. He wanted to show me the other bedroom but hesitated too. This was the bedroom of his mother when his mother was alive. In that room was a bed, TV and a cupboard. The TV was balanced on bricks. Two young men were asleep on the bed in that room, the room smelt of alcohol and Dakka. The participant informed me they were stoned and “sleeping it off”. We went through to the kitchen sat on the bench and then the interview began. The participant has lived like this since the death of his mother. His two brothers live with His Aunt in Motherwell Township Port Elizabeth. He has been abandoned by his extended family.

R Can you tell me how you experience life as an orphan in the township?

It’s too hard to me since my Mother she did die. I do know that day she did die too well. I just came back from the Transkei and I went to the Dora Ngienza hospital to visit her. I see her and she is very sick. When I saw her I became cross because she would not look at me. She was just lying there staring at the ceiling and she did not say anything. It was a Friday when I was at home with my 2 brothers and we received a phone call from the next-door neighbour saying that our Mother was sick. She was there at the hospital with her sister who was taking care of her. Her Sister did then bring her home that day and we did have her at home for a while. Then on the fifth day I came back from the Transkei, just two days after my Mother did come home from the hospital, I went to school. Then after school I saw her and she was dead now. I tried to talk with her but she not answers me she just looks at me and was staring at me. When I did come from school no one did tell me she is dead I just saw her like that when I went in to her room to greet her when I came home from school, that is how I did see her just dead in her room, (he points to the room that he now sleeps in the house) The neighbours were there just cleaning the room, going up and down. So I was shocked and no body told me, she had died and I went into the garage in my house. So I went and sit on my own there. My mother’s friend then came to talk with me. She just said you have lost your Mum, just stay strong. She sit with me for a while and gave me a drink of water and sugar to lower my temper. And I just drink it but I didn’t believe it. I feel too bad inside then.


R Tell me how did you feel when you knew she had died?

P I asked at that stage why? Why? Why did God take my mother, because she was my only hope? She has taken care of me my whole life as a single Mum and she has done it. I feel like I can’t go forward and I feel angry to the world. I didn’t cry I decided to wait to the funeral to cry.

R Tell me about the time from when she died until the day of the funeral?

P I was distressed because my family tell me that she will be buried in a week but that didn’t happen. It took three weeks for the funeral to happen I was very distressed by that. My family supposed to come and stay for a week and then go back home but it didn’t happen like that because we had no money. They did go home too early so on the funeral day it was just friends.


R Can you tell me more about this?

P The funeral it was nice because it was our friends. There were no family members because they return to their home, because they were here and she was not buried. She was not buried before because there were financial problems. It was my Aunt who made that problem because she says my Mother would be buried and the family came from the Transkei because she said so. S he was not right. So they returned to their home. They couldn’t stay so long to the funeral because we had no money for food for them to eat. My Aunt did a wrong thing she should have waited to call them until we had enough money to make a funeral for my mother.

R Tell me about this?

P My family members could see we were distressed and struggling but they didn’t say anything they just left and went home. I don’t know why (he looks to the floor and shakes his head). I was thinking that they would help us but they didn’t. They just went away didn’t offer to help and left me to take care of my brothers. I am sure that they think my Aunt who took care of my mother would help but she didn’t. My brothers were worried but they didn’t say so, they just pretend that everything is ok I see them and I see they not ok.

R How did you feel about this?

P I just prayed. When my mother died this was a hard time to me. I had to feed my younger brothers so during this time I decided to take a job on weekends. I work for my Aunts sister from 7am to 9 pm. I was like a slave they gave me little money and I use that money to cook food for my brothers. No one take care of us; no one phoned to ask how are we are, nothing. I feel very angry with this because when my mother was alive she is taking care of them. She was a faithful person.



R Tell me about this anger?

P I just sit I have no words. If you want to survive in life it must be dark first then light so I just hold onto that.

R Can you tell me about other feelings you had at this time?

P I feel like the world is on my shoulders I felt so depressed I couldn’t believe I had lost her. It was like I want to talk to her and she would not come. I played music and I think of her to take away the pain in me (he slaps his chest). My brothers cried at the funeral I did cry also. It was a hard time.

R Can you tell me more when you say it is a hard time?

P It was like I was dry inside. I had a sore think here (points to his chest) It was like something stuck in me and It wouldn’t go passed my throat. It was too deep. When they buried her it was the time I cry. I don’t visit my mother’s grave because there is no tombstone so I don’t know exactly where is she. But it is in Motherwell. I have no words to say it is just like that.


R Can you tell me about when you came home from the funeral?

P There were rumours in the family. They look at me badly because my father gave a cell phone when I was in the Transkei and the family say that now I think I am high class. I see this in their facial expression. I see they are jealous of me because I have a cell phone, I see they don’t want to take care of me. He doesn’t want to say anymore-other wise he will be disrespectful.


R Tell me how you took take care of yourself and your brothers when your family went back to the Transkei?


P I returned to school and it was nice because I have two friends. They were there but they are no longer there. They don’t let me to think they just want me to play so that I forget. They also visit me at home. I still visit them now. I passed so I continue at school but they did not and could not go on because of financial reasons. But me I passed to go onto metric level. The thing that affects me the most was the shortage of food and also my mother’s care. Because she always telling me what is good and not good. So I missed those ideas now, too much. My brothers were also sad and missed her too much they were here then but they are not here any more.

R Can you tell me more about this?

P My brothers are not ay my Aunts house. This is my mother’s sister who was taking care of my mother when she is sick. She is in Motherwell. She is taking care of them but I am not satisfied. They used to phone me and they tell me they don’t feel at home there because there are many of them and my aunt is not like my mother my mother was a peaceful person but my Aunt she shouts. We were better here with my mother and we are closer to each other and we like each other too much in fact we love each other and they are gone now. I worry about them a lot it is my dream to take care of them when I get a job. I worry when I eat here at my home that they get nothing to eat at my Aunts place. My uncle who is staying there is also drinking Mchovalale (local beer made of yeast) he is not good for them. My mother was a good peaceful godly woman. When I have money I go there and I buy them socks. One of them only has shoes. They are my half brothers. They have a different father to me but we stay together when my mother was alive like brothers. I think of them as my brothers as we stay together our whole lives. The father of them he gives my Aunt money but she doesn’t buy shoes to them. She doesn’t use the money in an effective way. She gets money but she is not spending it on them. She is a traitor to me. I forgive her but I will not forget. I worry about my brothers. No one seems to care about me not even my Dad.

R Can you tell me about your relationship with your Dad?

P My Father, I have only known him for 2 years facially. I only discovered him last year. I went to the Transkei in 2003 for Male initiation my father says he would do everything for me. And when I returned here he says he would send me money and all of that so that I can carry on with my education and buy some food but he didn’t do that now.


R How does that make you feel?

P It made me to feel very angry. I just ask myself I am his son or not! I ask myself that because he is not taking care of me. He doesn’t send me any money at all nothing (he has tears in his eyes as he speaks and his voice tails off. He pauses for a while then he says). I don’t know because I need money to live and he doesn’t help me at all. What makes it worse is that he has a good job. He has never visited me and he never phones me. He gave me a cell phone when I visit him in the Transkei, all can do is to make a call back or if I have 2 Rand I will just phone him. He will phone be back but he is always making small excuses. He has told me that he was retrenched but I know that is a lie because he is lying every time. He is always making to me false promises. He has no fear that he can’t keep his word to me. When I am near him he talking so nice. When I am far from him he just turns his back on me I don’t know why. When I tell people I hate my father they do not understand. My Fathers mother seems like a nice woman, she also has a cell phone but she doesn’t phone me. When I fist met her I was very happy because it was like my Mum talking to me (there is a long silence and he looks to the floor and shakes his head).





R Can you tell me about the support you have in your life?

P No body supports me (he cries and puts his head in his hands). I have no one to talk to when I have something that is making me to worry I keep it in my own heart. There is no one that I trust I will tell that person and he will makes some jokes about my situation. So I trust no one. Even the guys in my area they like to see how I am coping it ‘s like a test to see if I can cope in the situation I live ah but I am strong.

R Can you tell me about your relationship with these guys in the community.

P Ah I don’t trust them. Some of them say this is not my home but it is my home. Then one guy he tell my Aunt that I beat him up and the Police came here to talk to me. She is a traitor to me. It was all lies that she did say about me. The police came here and I tell them that I didn’t beat him. I will try to prosecute the Police because they didn’t even get a statement. They just came and take me away by force I was unhappy about this. They took me away but they couldn’t keep me. My friend came and he tells them the truth and I get out after one night. I feel the community likes to see me to suffer. There is one person my grandmother (My mothers mother). She is a woman who prays. I see her every day she encourages me and she believes in me. She loves me; she will give me oil and salt. But she can’t support me, as there are other younger grandchildren she supports and she just has a pension. Because she loves me I know my life has meaning and I can keep my dream up.


R Can you tell me more about what gives your life meaning and your dream?

P I will say school also give me hope that I will find a good job one day. So I can improve myself and take care of my brothers. That is my only hope when I pass my Martic. School gives my life a purpose and my dream is to look after my brothers that is the only thing and also to be married.


R Can you tell me about any special relationships that you have?

P I have a girl friend but she is special. The one who was most special to me was my Mother she was my role model. She was a good woman.

R Can you tell me about your relationship with your girlfriend?

P She is at school. I see her every day we hang out together every day. She loves me; I think she is special to me. She doesn’t comment about my life that’s why I love her. She is not looking at what I do not have she just loves me. I have a sexual relationship with her but I do not love it. I use condoms all of the time, I think it is the right thing. She love it and she make me to feel safe but I don’t like it all of the time I don’t know why. Sometimes I feel empty in side like a hole it is sometimes sore like when I am hungry because I don’t eat




R Can you tell me more about how you feel when you don’t have food to eat?

P Um, it like I feel weak and I don’t want to talk so much to people. I just sit alone and think and think and think. Maybe when I don’t find something to eat I just go alone and sleep and sleep and sleep.

R Can you tell me about the things you think about?

P Yes I think of my mother and I think if my mother was still to be here I would not be hungry. I just think if someone was to give me something I will just to cook it nicely and then it will be better for me. I smoke Dakka when I am high I am not hungry, when I wake up from smoking Dakka I am too hungry its terrible.


R Can you tell me more about smoking Dakka?

P I smoke it every day when I am coming from school. I don’t smoke it in the evening time because I am going to school in the morning and my head must be clear. It makes me to b e peaceful but it’s too expensive to me.


R Can you tell me more about why you smoke Dakka?

P Yes it is 5 rand for a joint but when I am having 5 rand I maybe buy half a loaf of bread and there is nothing I can afford to eat so maybe I am left with 2 Rand and then I go to my they guys selling Dakka. Ah they know my situation and they give me a joint for 2 rand, they accept that. They know my situation and sometimes they will not even take the 2 rand they just give it to me. I never have to pay them back. I smoke it because when I smoke it I go to another place a place of peace and I do like that place.

R Can you tell me how you feel when you smoke Dakka?

P it makes me feel humble, like quiet just thinking, I don’t talk so much it makes me to be quiet and it’s nice. It makes me to feel peaceful. When I am not smoking Dakka a feel agitated but when I smoke it takes me away from here to another place where I am quiet and not worried. It makes me to feel better than the feelings I am having every day when I am at home on my own.

R Can I ask you to tell me about the feelings’ that you have every day?

P I say I am fine; I mean I pretend to be fine but I am not fine. I feel a lot of things in my heart, like what am I going to do wear am I going to get food, I ask myself why me? Why does no one care about me or want to take care of me. I miss my mother and I am angry that God took her. I wish sometimes I had never been born.

R Can you tell me more about that?

P Yes I wish I had never been born because of the entire thing that have happened to me and my family members are not here now and everything is just being up side down. My father is not supporting me and I just think like I am just coming from the water and not coming from him. That makes me to be embarrassed that no one is taking care of me. My Father he didn’t give me love. When my friends are talking about their fathers and saying good things I will lie and tell them he gives everything to me. I do that because I don’t want them to find out the truth. Sometimes I don’t know how I manage my life. Some days I don’t eat. I remember in February I didn’t eat for 4 day’s. Even at school I do not eat. Even then if it raining as well there is something inside that makes me to go to school. When I am at school I am just thinking of school and nothing else only school. If I am doing history at school then I am thinking of history and nothing else. If I am in school then my mind is in school. The thing I don’t like is to come home from school when there is no food in my home to eat.

R Can you tell me how you feel when it’s the end of the school day and you are going home?

P It becomes boring because I know that I will have to come and cook if I have foods to cook and if I have no food then there is nothing to cook and then I become hungry and I do not like to be hungry. If I did not have school to go to I would be bored all of the day. My only thing that I like is to go to school so that my mind is busy on my studies. If there is no food to eat then I am going to lie on my bed to sleep. Then when I wake up I am going to my neighbours to find something to eat if I am not finding something then I just drink some water to fill me up then I am going to sleep at home. At the weekends I must go to my friend’s houses and see if I get something to eat. It’s better to be with them than to be alone in my home without food.


R Can you tell me more about the weekends?

P I stay outside and sometimes smoke and then go to my friends to watch TV. The one thing I am not doing is going to taverns because I do not like it when people are fighting. I will just watch TV at a friend’s house and then come home. I don’t like to come home when there is no food to eat. Sometimes I go to church. I liked to go to church when my mother was alive but now it’s different. I don’t really like to go top church because I am not having the correct clothes to wear and I think people they look down at me. Sometimes I watch soccer in the Township on the Saturday afternoon; I like that because when I watch soccer I am not thinking about my problems. In the evening time I watch TV with my friends and smoke Dakka. One thing I am not doing is going to the taverns. When my mother was alive it was not like this it as different. I liked to be at home with my mother and my brothers helping her in the home and being with her. She was so caring and encouraging. Now that she is not at home and my brothers are not there I don’t like always to be there. My mother always she encourages me not to go to the taverns because she didn’t want me to fight. She knew I smoked Dakka when she was alive she didn’t like it and I didn’t do it too much. The thing that makes me to smoke Dakka more is when brothers do come to visit me and then they do go back to my Aunt I miss them too much.

R Can you tell me about the last time that you saw your brothers?

P I miss them too much but I don’t like to go to my Aunts home where they are because the last time we argued and I didn’t like that. We argued because I told her that one needed new shoes for school and why did she not buy them for him? She said it was none of my business and became angry. I wanted to shout at her because she is a traitor but I just keep quiet and then I go to my home. One weekend my brothers came to see me because they also miss me. So it was good because they come to me at the right time. When they came I was cooking so they had a meal with me. I was cooking chicken and I dish for them and we were very glad and I feel proud to take care of him. I feel proud when I can help my brothers because I love them. My Aunt she takes them away from me (his voice tails off and he looks down to the floor). I feel angry about that I say that I will forgive her but I will never forget what she did to us. She is so bad and has made my life to hurt. I have no words to say the pain I sometimes feel. I feel bad because I miss them I was so used to them being here. She was saying that I would not be able to take care of them. But they both had child support grant and that money is helping us to buy food. She has taken all of that away from me. I was also dependent on the money they received through the child support grant. I don’t know why no one came to take care of me because I am still young and I need support (he is silent for a long time) but I have hope that I will still succeed. I wish to have the power to do a good job so to take care of my brothers. Know I can take care of them because I take care of my mother when she was sick.

R Can you tell me more about this?

P Yes I would cook for her when she was resting in her bed. She used to like soup and I used to feed her. Then I was afraid when I did this because I knew she was going to die. She never told me she had HIV but I knew that what it was. My mother was getting sick in 2002 that is when our lives did change. She used to get sick then go to the hospital then she was too weak when she returned home when she did get strong. Then she would make us breakfast and lunch to go to school but it made her tired so she would sleeping the afternoon so that is why I cook for her. She told me at this time that I was to look after my brothers. That was the only thing she said and that we must keep on going to school. It was still nice then because I am not going outside every day and I am just to be at home with her listening to her and having jokes with my brothers and we were laughing. We used to sit on the bed with her and we used to watch TV with her and talking-to her (he has tears in his eyes now). It was a nice time it was a good time to be with her, a good time.

R Can you tell me what makes you feel good about life now?

P Diane (research PhD student from Holland) made me to feel good because she listen to me. My dream to care for my brothers and to be married makes me to go on in life that’s all. MY relationship with my girl friend also makes me to feel good. When I am bored I go to her and we make some jokes. When she holds me I feel emotional. She make me feel like I am wanted and accepted and it makes me to be tall. I think about her and she thinks about me too and I like to talk with her. I feel safe there when I am with her. I also do feel safe to my teachers because they do motivate me to my dream


R Tell more about the relationship you have with your teachers?

P They did not realise I am staying alone and they just look at me the same. They don’t understand my problems. For example in the week there is that thing where we must bring 2 rand to buy cleaning products for when we clean the classroom. They know I don’t have 2 rand so when they ask and I say no they just shouting at me and I don’t like that it makes me to feel so small. They tell me off because they say I don’t want to participate but I do want to but I can’t pay them. When they shout at me I just look at them but I do not answer. I feel small also that I can’t pay school fees and I don’t have a uniform. But I am glad that I can have education and I focus my mind on my studies. Some of the children at school they make fun of me because they see that I don’t eat at school and they say to me you will fail because you are getting weak. When it is break time I will not go out of the classroom because I don’t even have cents to buy an apple with. So I am just staying in the classroom relaxing. Its better to do this and not to be hateful. I know that I will not die. And one day I will be a man and then I wont feel small.


R Can you tell me more about this?

P This thing of not having my initiation worried me too much. The friends in the community they look down to me. What going on they say he is not a man yet. In my mind I just think I am not supposed to be a man yet anyway. It is common in the Township for male initiation to be delayed because of financial problems. The funning think (he laughs to himself) they think I am a man because I do return from the bush and I am so fat, they don’t know my clan too well so I trick them in to thinking that I am a man. So I have the advantage. I only tell them after 2 weeks of my return that I am not a man and now they are not sure so I still have the advantage. They think I am a man because I have been to the bush. They also think I am a man because I live alone in this house. I felt proud and strong that they think these things about me. Some people in the community who stay close to my house they are always encouraging me because they think I am strong and they tell me to stay strong. The things that make me to feel small are the punishments from school in my community I am proud because they do think I am a man. It is in Dec 2005 that I go to the bush for initiation.


R Can you tell me more about the punishments from school that make you to feel small?

P Yes when you are late for school you have to pay money, but when you don’t have money which is 50 cents to pay at the gate, or you don’t have it you will be punished. That is they smack you on your hand, ah I have had it too much. The 50 cents get paid to student on the gate who is representatives of the Student Representative Council. It’s the principal gives me a smack on my hand its too sore. He says if you don’t want to get that you must get up early. I tell him I am living far away and that I stay alone. But I love school because to have knowledge is good to me. So I do put up with it because one day I will have a job when I do get my education. The other thing that is making me to feel small is the day to my birthday.


R Can you tell me about your birthday?

P I just accept it my birth date. If have, a few cents I make something to eat. I know that I used to have birthday because my mother she used to do one for me. Now I think there are those that never had a birthday but I am glad that I am having the chance before to have a birthday. I think in my life I had 5 times when I have a birthday, so I am still glad for that chance that I had. When my mother was alive it was different. She used to make my birthday too nice for me. She used to make me a cake and buy me a trouser for me or give me some money. I like it too much then because she was not working and she sacrifices for me to make it a birthday. I know she love me because she sacrifice for me. She was trying very hard to make it a good day to me. I loved the way my mother she used to care for me it was a special love. She use to think of other people before herself and that what made her to be special. She used to help her sister a lot that is why I feel so betrayed by my aunt because my mother did a lot for her when she was alive. Today it is my brother’s birthday and I am taking for him a cake because I don’t want him to think his birthday is not important, because it is. Important. I am glad to you Sharron to take a cake to him today as it make me to feel too proud and it will be too special to him also( I took a cake because he asked me to and after the interview we took it to his brother in Motherwell). This is a good thing to me and makes me to be inspired like my friend at Rhodes University


R Tell me how your friend who is at university inspires you?

P See he is like a light to me because he was from here now he is to the university there is Graham’s town. He tells me he needs me to be there too. He thinks that I can make it and that encourages me to also try hard because it is possible for me too. We were in the same class and I am as good to my school as he is. I also like history like he does. If it’s possible for him it is for me too. So I know it is also possible to me if I am working hard too. That is why I like to learn and love school because my only hope is to get a good education. That is my focus and I don’t like the thing that pulls me away from my focus.

R Can you tell me about things that pull you away from your focus?

P Yes I can first of all, it was like there was something from a friends house that I want to steal I did steal it because it was clothes I wanted and it did give me status in the community, I was worried though that I would be caught and then I will miss school and I will lose the focus of getting an education. So I don’t steal anymore. If I didn’t go to school I would feel lost because it is good to me. I went to court and they punished me I do correctional service after school for 6 months. It was a hard time. I was at Empliwene (TB hospital) and I clean it, it was too terrible. No I will never steal again I don’t want to do anything wrong again. Because I know my focus is to get an education then I am not letting anything to take away my focus. I do not want to be useless in my life. My brothers are important to my cousins and me also. It’s important to me that they can be proud of me. I don’t want to waste my life. I want to get a good education, a good job, take care of my brothers and to be married.


R Can you tell me about how you felt that day your brothers went to live with your Aunty?

P They were staying with her when I went to that Transkei, but I didn’t know that they were going to continue to stay with her. I was shocked when I came back from the Transkei to find they were still with my Aunt. I had a discussion with her after the funeral of my mother and we disagreed and I just left the house. I was scarred because I never lived alone before. I was afraid I had no body to talk with at all and I am worried about who will take care if me. I miss them because we were talking all the time now they are not there. I used to sleep in the same bed as them. It was the first time for me to sleep alone and I did not like it. In those days I was lonely so I went to watch TV with friends home I didn’t like to come home because I miss them too much. There was no food for me to eat then. My friend used to share his supper every night. He was washing cars in Summer strand and he gives me money to buy milk and bread. In those days I wish I was also dead I felt like I lost everything and I was sad. I knew I had to face it so that is why I stayed. I tell myself there is nothing I can do so I just continue in my life and I go to school. I used to cry sometimes, even when there were no tears I used to cry out why. Losing my mother was the lowest think for me. I know God let it to happen for a reason and I can cope in my life because I am strong. I am still alive and so I am having hope. I just want to live my dream. I learnt that the hard time is difficult but that some light has come and my focus on my dream does make me to be strong